I wish my roommate would leave the room for once, so my boyfriend and I could have sex.

My roommate (who does not go to school anywhere right now or next semester because he is lazy) is talking shit about how I actually study for finals. He'll say "Finals come around every year. Why study?"

Yeah that really means a lot coming from a college drop out. Too bad you're never going to amount to anything in life.

Just imagine a depressed onion cutting itself.

Met a girl named Macy
I had sex with her all day.
But she was dyslexic,
So I ended up doing the Y-M-C-A.

you bought a diet coke from me at the front desk and yur name was rachel cuz I creeped on your blugold card when you handed it to me, but you have the best smile I have ever seen and I should have made an excuse to get your #.

I really love working at the bookstore. It's probably the best job on campus.

I realized my CS final was going on about an hour in, at which point I proceeded to ask my roomate for a ride, take a rip off his bong, and then ace it.

Stressing about finals and being sexually frustrated is (can you believe it…) the most stressful and frustrating thing ever!