I race to get intoxicated at night, with alcohol, weed, painkillers, or all of them so that I can forget about my past and be in an irregular state that doesn't have sadness

If I don't find someone I can share my love with and talk to then I fear I will fall back into my opiate addiction and that terrifies me.

Put a little icy hot on my dick. Damn it wasn't much fun! How many others have tried this?

To the guy named Mitch that I made out with at a party on Friday (3/28), I thought you were pretty cute! Maybe we could meet again?

I put the out of order sign on the towers south elevator for april fools. Did you guys enjoy walking up the stairs?

A girl that squats is my kinda girl.

In the grand scheme of things, I know that grades do not define who I am...
But when I don't do as well as I would like, I can't help but to feel worthless. I am not stupid, but when I receive a low mark it makes me feel like I am.
I actually started crying tonight while I was studying because it bothers me so much that I am not ACTUALLY learning, but i'm putting in all this effort for a good grade on something I probably won't be able to tell you about 30 years from now.
When I study all of this information just to regurgitate it on an assignment or exam, it brings me to tears. I can tell I am not actually learning. I'm doing it for the grade. In life, my brain should be a sponge, soaking in all that I can.. And I'm not being satisfied in that aspect.
It doesn't help that I don't have the motivation to do these assignments and tests that are not conducive to my improving of my knowledge in the areas that interest me.
It's difficult.
You may respond with something like "you're just lazy." or "suck it up." or something along those lines.. But what I'm trying to get across here is that....
I do NOT want to spend the next handful of years of my life just... diddling away, getting good grades (or bad) just to get a degree.. but not having left with any gain but the title of having a degree. I want to feel like my debt of approximately $18,000 per year of college is ABSOLUTELY worth it.
And at this point, it surely does not feel worth the hassle and stress to regurgitate information and not retain or gain wisdom/knowledge, or feeling like I could be proficient in the field of work I would like to be in.

I guess it all just bugs me so much because I know that if I didn't go to college, it would be highly unlikely for me to flourish as a person, or to survive in this economy.

The amount of debt I will be in by the time I graduate college keeps me up at night.

Okay.
I'll stop ranting for now.
Am I the only one who feels like this?

To Jack H- I sit near you in economics class… I hear you joking around with people every day and I think you are so cute and funny. I just wish you would notice me one time… I love a good looking blonde ;)