I type this with tears in my eyes, probably because nobody will care to even see the point to this. It never really dawned on me until I started coming here that I'm alone in this world. I say this because no matter what I do I just can't make any friends. Transferring here was at first a pretty exciting concept, I figured maybe this would be the place I could make connections with people and find friends. Low and behold here it is the end of the year and I'm exactly where I started... nowhere. Having depression and being an introvert doesn't exactly make you noticeable as it turns out. Every day this year it seemed like I just sulked through campus like a mindless zombie because I didn't know how to go about talking to people. I would purposely look the other way to avoid conversation because I didn't know what to say. It's horrible... I want to talk to people so badly, but I feel like my depression holds me back and makes me feel like I'm not worthy of having friends. I always think the worst when I try to make the initial step of introducing myself and I end up avoiding going any further than just acquaintances with anyone. Don't get me wrong, I do well in my schoolwork which is why I'm here, but I want to have fun like I see so many other people on campus doing... I want people who I can laugh with, have a good time, and share memories. I just want to know what it's like to be able to have people care for you. I don't want my experience here to be the same as it was at my other school... two years of lonesomeness and social isolation, but so far it looks like this is exactly how it's going to be. The pain I feel is one I wouldn't put my worst enemy through, no human being should have to be subjected to the misery that I go through on a daily basis... I just want to be noticed by somebody as a person they want to have in their life.

Dillon got me pregnant this year. He still doesn't know..

Now that summer's here, I want to get out and play some ultimate! Anyone want to form a somewhat regular group? It'd definitely be for fun, not competition, all skill levels welcome.

This past semester I had a one night stand with somebody who just graduated. It wasnt just a one night stand for me. He doesnt even know how much he helped me finally be able to physically connect with a man again. After getting cheated on I couldnt even hug a guy. One night stands are never just one night stands. A kiss always means something even if its something stupid or weird or "hey im drunk." This guy is just walking around thinking "yeah I had sex with her" and im over here thinking "he is an amazing guy and I wish it was more than a one night stand to him"

This past semester I was stupid and had a one night stand with a graduating senior. It wasnt just a one night stand for me. That night was the first time I could physically do things with guys after getting cheated on. This guy doesnt even know how much he helped me and how that night wasnt just about sex. I wish he didnt graduate.

I didn't gain the freshman 15 this year, I gained the Frequent and All Too easy Access to Sugary Sweets 50...

I made no real friends this year. I was always there for them but when I need some support to a sholder to cry on they dont respond. Cant wait for next year.

This year has taught me a lot. It taught me that people will use you for your money and weed, fake friends love to talk but never listen, going out every night is fun but a video game/beer drinking/ bong ripping nights with awesome people can be more fun, guys will say they almost anything to let them kiss you, RAs actually follow the rules, use ratemyprofessor.com, the hill is a good warm up for a work out, intramural volleyball is more fun stoned, never have one night stands with seniors who graduate, guys will listen but want something in return, living on campus isnt that bad, the drunk bus is fun only if drunk, try to sit by somebody cute the first week of classes, taking 14 cedits and working is really tough, smile at everybody it can makes somebodys day, and to take advantage of the little gyms in the dorms as well as the milk and juice in the caf. Next year I will be the person I want to be. I will not regret like this year.