#2214 Let's take a turn at the slightly/badly poetic.

Dear C.L.,

I've only met you three times, but I think you are an intelligent, hardworking, and genuinely kindhearted person. Not to mention you are the most stunningly adorable woman I've ever met. "Love at first sight" is such a shallow saying, but I will say I am consistently dumbfounded by your presence. I wish I had the self-confidence to ask you to join me for a cup of coffee or lunch, but I just don't have it in me. I'm not that kind of guy. Sadly, I haven't seen you lately, but when I do see you again, maybe I'll have the confidence to take that leap of faith.

I probably won't, but I'll be thinking about it. And I'll curse myself afterwards for being a coward. Nevertheless, I really look forward to seeing you again.

Yours,
J.G.

#2213 I have been single my entire life and while I am a decent enough flirt I am like 100% certain I will be just like Steve Carrell in "The 40 Year Old Virgin" Want proof? I managed to try to take an easy score in a devil's threesome and still managed to not get laid. Cold showers are such a drag.

#2228 I got revenge on my boyfriend for cheating on me. His little slut's roommate is my BFF and she informed me that he'd been cheating on me for around 3 months now and was only using me for money and pussy, the slut too but she doesn't care. Before dumping his ass, I ate a crapton of Taco Bell and then the next day I asked him for sex at his place. I told him I wanted to do anal this time, while he was in I let a metric ton of diareah loose all over his him covering his dick (it's 4.5 inches btw), legs and chest and a bit of his face as well as his bed and floor. He was pissed off but I still locked myself in his shower to wash off and then let the rest of the taco bell out all over his floor, I emptied all his washing products and shaving creams, I flushed all his toilet paper clogging his toilet, his sink and his shower, I left all his water running and tore off the handles and then I waited for the floor to start flooding before I left his bathroom in shambles. When I came out I slapped him and kicked him in the balls and told him to enjoy his little slut leaving him on his floor in pain and covered in dried up diareah. Jared if you're reading this I hope you get multitudes of STD's and I hope my shit gave your tiny penis an E.Coli infection!

#2212 Dear black girls,

I know you tend to like black guys more than white guys such as Yours Truly, but many of them are in interracial relationships, and over the years, that has become an accepted, and often praised norm.

That being said, I know you don't tend to gravitate towards white guys, but dammit, you black girls are too damn attractive. If you take me home for dinner, I promise to be respectful to your family, no matter how similar they are to the ones resembled in Tyler Perry films. If we end up making love, I promise I will take Viagra just to live up to your expectations. If we go out on dates and you see some bitch you don't like, I promise I will join in on hating on her, even though I probably have no idea who she really is. And if you have any irrational reason of being angry, I will validate each one till day's end.

I will do all of this, as long as you put up with my lack of social dominance.

#2211 Today (11/12/13) around 8am at the BLB, two different guys both held the door open for me. And let me tell you, they both could have gotten it. Then and there. Well, maybe not THERE... but you get the idea. All they would have had to do was ask!

#2210 So I'm sitting on the toliet right now waiting for everyone to leave so I can finish my shit session. Am I the only one who does that?

#2209 I really want to be gangbanged.

#2208 why do people still have pubic hair? it practically kills your chance of someone going down on you; nobody likes getting pubies in their mouth.