#3702 College students walk in the middle of the street like "Hit me. Please hit me. Pay my tuition." ???? I know I do lol

#3720 I'm too hot to be single, but too weird to be in a relationship.

#3718 So, I was at OfficeMax. Looking around for something to pick up with a gift card. Things were going fine, and I was browsing through the aisles leisurely.

Suddenly, without any warning, I started to feel something churning down below. Something that needed to be taken care of, NOW.

I wasn't sure what to do. I looked around the store, but they had no public restrooms there. I couldn't make it home in time, it was too far. I quickly made my purchase and saw two glimmering arches of hope, a beacon of relief signaling to me across the parking lot.

Now, let me tell you, I'm not one to get fast food often. Maybe a few times a year at most. And if I do, it's never McDonald's. So entering this building was a rare occurring, an act of desperation.

After quickly driving over there, I made a mad dash to the men's restroom in back. Thankfully no one else was in there, because what happened next was not my proudest moment, and you can probably guess why, knowing my predicament, and knowing what I saw after entering the one and only stall:

The toilet was clearly broken. The handle was completely non responsive.

And, the cherry on top of the whole situation:

It had already been used.

My innards could not be any less sympathetic. Knowing it was now or never, I carefully laid down a tp shield on top of the seat, then constructed a barrier of toilet paper on top of the previous deposit (to avoid any and all splashback during the ordeal) and got to work.

The rest of the story is fairly straightforward. Luckily no one entered the restroom while I was in it, and I ran out to the car as fast as I could after exiting the restroom, avoiding any and all eye contact with the restaurant patrons.

I know that some poor worker has to take care of the mess I left in there. And I feel even worse that I wasn't even a customer. Oh well. I just needed to get this off my chest.

#3717 To the Asian guy who wears the CK suits with the blue ties and always smells nice...

I think it's Dolce & Gabana b/c my dad wears that same cologne..

I want to eat your poo

#3716 So I typed a text to a girl I used to see. Saying that I chose this cutie pie with whom I wanna be, and I apologize if this message gets you down....

#3701 With Valentine's approaching this is more of a shout out than a confession..

To the.. i think Eurasian guy who took Petros' Organic
Chem last semester and this semester.. The one who always wore those tight white Abercrombie & Fitch polos with the tight jeans.. Mmmm so sexy... Those biceps and your chest, I can only imagine you shirtless...so yummy... and you were SOO smart too, i went to a couple SI sessions last semester and you knew almost all the answers... you're about 6 feet tall with dark hair(usually crew/short cut). You would also sometimes wear a suit too(so handsome) or khakis and a sports coat and i prayed EVERY time you did that that you'd drop something so that i could see you bend over and see your tight butt. Oh, I walked by you once last semester and you smelled sooooo good(ok, sounding kind of creep now haha). Anyway, i think you had a girlfriend or something last semester... if you're single NOW by any chance, know that you have an admirer or... few :)


--the cute blonde who sits behind you

#3715 I'd really like to meet a metal chick who likes to listen to Amon Amarth, Dimmu Borgir, Slayer, Death, Children of Bodom, and Opeth. Are there any ladies out there who love death metal as much as I do?

#3714 I was a teen mom. I dropped out of UNT. I do drugs. I have a girlfriend. I am a lesbian. I am pregnant with my girlfriend's brother's baby. I work at a strip club and as a hooker to pay my bills. I've been to jail for DUI. Those are my confessions, bitch. What are yours? I don't care what any of you people think only God can judge me.