#5233 I teach kindergarden kids for a day job and holy crap some of these kids are racist. Some of the white kids are terrified of the black kids and there doesn't seem to be any way to condition them to be tolerant. Its my job to care for these kids but sometimes its tough. I've seen it school year after school year. Its weird because none of the parents seem racist, but who knows.

#5238 I've attempted suicide several times. Now I think I'll finish the job soon. Just got to find a foolproof, painless way since I'm a pussy. I am a piece of shit. I am literally the kind of person who walks into a room and the energy gets more tense and hostile, for good reason. I don't have many friends and my family is hostile to me as well. I am a pedophile and I do not act out on my thoughts. I have all sorts of perversions, really. I don't feel love or any positive emotions. No, really, if you are warm or friendly to me my reaction will be more or less blank. I just don't have the chemicals to make me feel good. I am like Borat, basically, only I control my actions. Yes, I was abused when younger, but that's no excuse. I was also an abuser when I was a kid. Being employed is very difficult because of how I have the amazing ability of getting people to hate me simply by sharing the same air as them. Even showing up, putting on the headphones, and doing the work isn't an option. The world as a whole is becoming a more open society. No, it is not in my head, although that's what everyone tries to convince me of when I tell them, so no use talking about it openly anymore. Walking into a store or office or classroom and seeing the tension play out and the hostility of everyone amplifying until I am told to go fuck myself happens so frequently that I stay indoors now as long as I can help it. I am a dog that doesn't cheer anyone up. I am social cancer. The way I see it, my options are to keep living at home until I am eventually (soon) kicked out and am forced to live on the street, to move out and live on the street, or go back to the mental hospital again and rack up debt and live on the street. I have utmost respect and compassion for the homeless, though, which I part of the reason why I don't want to be a burden on that community as well. Tried talking to counselors/therapists and understandably they are disturbed and tend to show me the door, lol. My current psychologist has a hard time being positive around me, understandably, and even suggested that I get off the meds since I've tried dozens of scripts and nothing seems to make me any less of a miserable bastard. I really don't have any options, and, quite frankly, becoming less of a burden on my family and society is something that might bring me a bit of peace before I breath the last breath. It's one of those scenarios where I picture what the world would be like without me and I see nothing but positive reactions. I have considered working for charities and non-profits, but when I did it didn't go so well. You kind of have to be a good person to be successful at those jobs, lol. Trust me, I've given it lots of thought and removing myself might be the least selfish thing I can do at this point. If I was just capable of feeling or emoting love I would have a reason to stick around, but I feel nothing. Even though it would be a positive, I am going to think of a way to carry it out that seems like an accident. Perhaps I will go on a vacation to a far away country and I will decide to live there and cut-off all contact with everyone. I don't want anyone who might care about me to think they are responsible, because they are not. This is MY choice. I am really, really scared to die TBH, but there's not much reason left for me to exist at this point.

#5238 Life is usually not easy, and if you want to live through it, you need to have a thick skin and a sense of humor. If you can't laugh it off, and let problems or adversities get under your skin, you'll be a whiny little bitch for the rest of your life who is focusing more on complaining rather than prioritizing your goals and getting shit done.

#5231 I still bring up Icepocalypse 2013 in random conversations.

Never forget.

#5232 Journalism students: What exactly IS the mayborne "hall to nowhere"?

#5238 Is it possible to find good looking women around here who like to hang out and chill without smoking something? Nothing against smokers I just prefer to spend my money and time doing other drugs like good food,wine, video games and the quality time I get to spend with you.

#5231 I'm done with people. I try to have "real" conversations with people, but the people I meet just seem too scared to open up. Everyone seems so scared to let themselves be vulnerable. Like, how do you expect to really get to know someone and experience a real human relationship if you're afraid to open up about your most basic self.

When people don't want to be real with me, it really drains me. Like, I actually get exhausted from talking to people who won't carry on a stimulating conversation or relate to me in any way. I don't want to have to force it either.
As an introvert, the energy drain is doubled. I'm not a social retard. I consider myself quite good in socializing, but I'm just bored of it. It's becoming a waste of my time when I find my own thoughts more productive and entertaining.

The most retarded part of it all is that I've been putting a good amount of time and effort into really getting to know people. Each day I meet someone new and expect to finally find a person who I can just... talk to. I just want to sit and talk for a few hours about life, but no one I meet wants to do that. Everyone wants to get fucked up or eat food, and that is it. I'm looking for real experiences in life. Getting fucked up is great and all, but when that's all that you do, you're missing out on real experiences.

Again, I don't hate people. I understand everyone has different views on life and different aspirations. I just wish there were more people like me who I can easily meet. I will admit that I'm one of those weird dudes with piercings, weird clothes, and weird hair, but I don't judge much, so I'd hope others wouldn't either. It does seem that people have a preconceived idea of who I am without even getting to know me. Like, they've already rejected me before I even begin speaking. I feel like people think I'm fucking with them all the time or something. I'm not quite sure. Perhaps people just don't feel comfortable opening up to me for whatever reason, as if I'm the one judging them. Who knows. My mind will still be open to letting new people in my life, regardless of what you look like, but I think I'm done actively pursuing a flourishing social life this semester.

If you want to talk to me, I'll probably be burying myself in some books in the library this semester, or doing other weird shit alone. So yeah, if you see a weird dude doing weird stuff while weirdly alone, that might be me. Come say hi and we can talk about stuff or something. Idk.

#5231 I usually sleep naked, but sometimes it's so hot that I start to sweat. Well instead of taking off my covers I roll over onto my stomach, and put my butt into the air so that the cool air and hit my butt hole. For som reason it has always helped me fall asleep.