I really wish that my friends stop getting married and having kids, and also that they stop posting about it on facebook. I really could care less about how big junior is getting or what "adorable" thing he/she did today.

I'm going to ask my girlfriend to marry me tonight. She reads UNT Confessions, so I know when she see's this that she's going to know who this is! I love you and I want you to be mine!




Just kidding. How many girls just freaked out?

Benny G, the gay guy.....would like to go on a date sometime with me?

Alright, I've been thinking. When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade - make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager. Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons. Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons. I'm going to to get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

What if all the ignorant posts on here are just trolls trying to get a rise out of you?... Seems to be working. The trolls are winning. You're letting them win.

Guys under 40 who wear jean shorts (also known as "jorts") are fucking weird. I don't care what you say about judging a book by its cover, I've met enough of these motherfuckers to know they're all mentally unstable.

I'm extremely grateful for the friends I have, but sometimes I still feel like an outsider when I hang out with them and when they don't want to hang out with me

Don't judge me, I met this girl last year in a bar and I was stoned out of my fucking mind. I took this hot girl home with me and ended up getting her pregnant... Problem is I found out she was my biological sister I hadn't seen since childhood. Wtf do I do?