I have a friend whose sister is a porn star. I like to watch her videos and pretend it's my friend.

If you are a pre-op transsexual and not afraid to let the world know, you should like this status.

Just so you ladies know, the reason we men sometimes piss on or around the toilet seat is not because we can't aim our dicks. It's because for some reason, our pee doesn't always come out in a single straight line, but rather several lines that go in different directions. Why this happens is beyond me. But it's not something we can really control.

Sometimes I doze off in class and then catch myself drooling. I don't know if anyone has ever noticed. I hope not, because it's really embarrassing. I can't help it though!

Melinda S., you are such a huge fucking tease. You constantly mislead people and then get upset when you lose friendships over it. Quit your bitching and realize that it is your fault.

Uli C., you are by far the creepiest dude I have ever met when you get drunk. Everyone talks about you having so much game, but you go for chicks that are 5's at best. Not only that, you very obviously starve yourself to lose weight; you neither lift nor diet. Your body looks weird in tanks and when you take your shirt off; speaking of which, can you please stop doing that? You and Juan S. are the reason that I will no longer go to your fraternity's parties. You should attempt to change these things because my sisters aren't very happy at [Greek] now either.

-A Sorority Sister in [Greek] that you creeped out.

I don't give 2 shits about what's going on at UNT. Yet I get a thousand emails.

Today, I just went and sat in a random class for the whole lecture. They took a practice exam.