If there's a bar where everybody knows your name, you're probably an alcoholic

You know what's unfair is that Alice in wonderland had to spend 75 minutes in an LSD fueled hell with nothing to show for it, while Jasmine, Ariel, Snow white, cinderella, sleeping beauty, and bell go on a short adventure meet the man of their dreams and live happily ever after. How wack is that?

I have a damn terrible habit of reading up paranormal things right BEFORE bed

When I wake up most most mornings, I wish I had never woken up at all.

I had a dream that I ate multiple sheets of printer paper and then wrote a Usask confession about it.

I keep thinking of you all the time despite knowing that I can never have you. Sometimes I think that the life would be so much fun if I had never seen you.

I just used my boobs to get out of a speeding ticket.

I've always wondered what it feels like for a man when he jacks off. Is it like when you urinate after a long road trip? A glorious release? Just give me a decent similie or metaphor that describes it.