Sunday, 06 September 2015 04:28 PM
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#17616 I confess this is my first Written piece I have ever done. What do you guys think. should i write more or no?
It was a Tuesday evening in my 1 bedroom apartment at Putnam House condominiums on 10th street in Cookeville, Tennessee. There was a dull cloudy sky with a lackluster amount of light peeking through from a waxing crescent moon. I had just returned from Crossville, Tennessee where I had spent $60 on a quarter of psilocybin mushrooms, and believe me when I say, these were no ordinary mushrooms. There were 2 large and 7 smaller mushrooms in the sandwich baggie and they had just been cured. Perfectly cured I might add; they were an incredibly beautiful mix of blues and golds with just a hint of white poking through and they sported the biggest caps I had ever seen. I hadn’t eaten all day in preparation for the night of soul searching and blissful intelligent thought and warned my partner that these were the best of the best so as to be prepared for the spiritual journey she was about to encounter. This was only her second time indulging in the enchanted fungi, her first time being 3 weeks prior. I on the other hand was much more experienced with the separation of mind and body and was willing to do what I could to make this journey as enlightening as possible. We prepared extensively for this night; putting up black lights above colorful pictures and vibrant stuffed animals to keep us company during the jaunt we were about to embark on. I turned on a video of a pretty lights set that was taken from bonaroo the past year to enjoy the visual artistry set with his mind melding musical genius and the stage was set!
We divided out the Slew of Mushrooms into 2 sets of 1/8th and began to indulge. A few minutes went by and no feelings yet and I remembered how I needed to contact our friend Hannah to come trip sit for us. It was at that moment that I had a terrible feeling of uneasiness in my lower abdomen and immediately went to the bathroom. This is a pretty common feeling with mushrooms but this was on a separate state of premonition for what I was about to endure. Without warning, my visual perception of life exploded into a variability of movement and vibration. The tiles on my bathroom wall seemed to be accompanied by lines of ants crawling in perfect unison along the cracks of the grout; the hairy foot scrubber that people put in their bathtubs came to life and squirmed around like a worm. One thing appeared to be different this specific trip that hadn’t happened in the past; I didn’t feel in control of the situation. I then remembered I needed to contact Hannah about coming to help us in case of a bad experience, but by the time I got to my phone my mind was already in a state of trance. Time had slowed significantly, and my vision began to bloat and everything was as if you were looking through a magnifying glass. I could not force myself to send the text that I had typed out only seconds prior. It was as if time itself had ceased to exist in the known realm of this suspended animation I was now trapped in.
This entire time, my partner had been sitting calmly, enjoying herself, staring at a pipe that we had just acquired the day before. It was a majestic piece, a bubbler would be the common nomenclature for the type of piece it was. It was about 7 inches tall, had swirls of blue and green down the body of the glass with 2 black works of beading down the left hand side. The strain of cannabis we currently had was called northern lights and it was delectable; bright green with the purest white hairs you have seen and crystalline trichomes covering the body of the bud with the taste of sweet tarts and lime when you smoked it. This night was meant to be perfection. Although, looking at her staring at this piece made me somewhat distraught… Why wasn’t she moving? Why could she not communicate with me? Wait, why couldn’t I come to communicate with her? Am I going insane? What is this? Why?! Why?! Why?! Before I could realize what was happening I was out the door and in the parking lot of the apartments. It was dark, darker than anything I had experienced before, a darkness that enveloped everything outside of the parking lot. The outside world, the very fabric of my knowledge of life… gone… I then slammed my train of thought into an area I had never been before. What is life? Who am I? Why am I a zombie? Did Cannabis make me feel this way? Oh no! Cannabis has just turned me into a zombie! How do I reverse this?! So, conflicted with the options of going to the car or walking back inside, I stood there for what felt like hours, but was probably only 2 or 3 seconds. Then I rushed back inside and yelled, “No more weed”! I ran over towards her, grabbed the pipe she was still staring at and threw it across the room towards the front wall. It made a loud crashing sound and narrowly missed the front window by roughly 4 inches. She immediately raises up saying “what did you do?! The cops are going to be called! Why would you do that?!” at this point I had no idea what I had even done. All of her questions were flashes in and out of conscious perception and I was utterly confused. Once I came to, I somewhat realized what I had done but couldn’t bring myself to find any emotion to apply to the situation. This was only 30 minutes into the trip and neither of us had come close to the peak of the sensory experience that would follow. At this crossroads I managed to change her process of thought from bliss, to terrifying horror. She went to bed and laid there for the remainder of the trip while I gallivanted around the apartment searching for a higher meaning of this thing we call life.
At one point I lost my clothes, although, I do not remember ever taking them off or why I would’ve in the first place other than to feel free. But I began to feel trapped in the apartment; it was my purgatory, my cage. I couldn’t leave, wasn’t allowed to leave. I tried to on separate occasions, singing the circle of life from the lion king movie with a premise that if I leave the house I will continue on to the next life in light, but if I followed my partner to bed and slept, I would be consumed with eternal darkness. I began to open the door probably 3 times throughout the night and somehow my partner was still in control enough to keep me from making that mistake since I was in fact nude. In my mind though, nude wasn’t a big deal, it was natural, nothing to be ashamed of. About 3 hours into this phase I understood right and wrong in that aspect though, and accepted that I was not allowed to leave that space.
Around hour 4 of this journey I didn’t feel very visually distraught anymore. I felt as if a filter over my eyes had been lifted and I then saw the world in a way I had never envisioned it before. There was nothing really different about it, but I myself had changed. I could feel neither hot nor cold, in fact, I could not sense my own body’s physical presence. I was merely an apparition that had left my physical body to explore life with a loss of ego. In this state of being, I discovered a deeper meaning for what I had ever learned about myself. I found myself singing words at the top of my lungs trying to understand my purpose for being here. Words such as: love, enlightenment, peace, god, universe…. Merely trying to solidify some sort of state of purpose.
Then hour 6 rolled around and I went to the bedroom to lay down. One of my cats was in there and I suddenly had a very intense wave of visual strata immersing my spectrum. Her fur rolled like a current in the ocean. I started to pet her and it was the laxest most luxurious texture I had ever touched. I proceeded to pet the calico cat for a small period of time when I noticed the front corner where the wall met the ceiling. The line was waving around in dancing patterns and began tilting up and down, becoming more vivid, and more beautiful. Colors enveloped my hallucination and I began to fall into a space which was untapped to my knowledge. I drifted further and further into the depths of my mind where I inadvertently forgot what all of existence was, and I relished it. It was as if life was nothing. There was no I, no self, to be concerned with. I was in a state of freedom that was impossible. There was no color, no matter, no time… Just space deep within the fabric of animation.
I woke up to my partner shaking me asking me if I was back yet, if I had come to… I wasn’t exactly sure and I didn’t understand what was going on. I didn’t understand that I was alive anymore since I had previously accepted that I had died and was in a completely new frame of mind. After a few very long weeks, I eventually came back to somewhat of a comfortable way of thinking again. Yet, I do not believe I will ever truly feel normal like I did before this trip. Never to have the equal sense of perception that I once had. Damned to a life of anxiety and uncertainty.