Tuesday, 13 September 2016 09:37 AM
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#1033 This is a sensitive topic for me, but after recently coming to terms that this is what happened, I feel I need to express this.
About 6 years ago, I started college at Loyola University in New Orleans. I was dating a girl I met in high school at the time, and i was somewhat happy I guess: excited, anxious, and nervous to be on my own for the first time. The second day of classes, I saw a girl in the student union, and decided to go up and talk to her. We talked for a while, and hit it off somewhat. I talked about how I was not feeling like I was happy with my situation, and she seemed to understand. I ended up hanging out with her, and she encouraged me to end things with my gf at the time (yes I know that was shitty of me, but I was not as aware as I am now). She and I spent some time together, and eventually, we starts dating. This is, without a doubt, the biggest mistake of my life. For the next year, she was emotionally abusive, making me feel like I was less of a person, tried to change me into something I was not, and even attempted to get me to get rid of things I loved because she thought that they were not productive for me (a.k.a. Her image). She threatened to ruin my social life if I broke up with her, made me feel inadequate when we had sex, made me argue with my parents on things that were trivial. I even dropped my major to satsfy her ideals of what the man she would marry would do with his life. She would say things that you just don't say to "someone you love" and I ended up spiraling into a state where I was doing poor in school, poor socially, and mentally. She ended up leaving me for my best friend, and I was devestated. Since then he and I have made amends and I have no quarrel with him. I felt hollow, empty, distraught, used, tossed aside, emotionally scarred, and I became a former shell of what I once was. Because of this, for the next 5 years, I would become a man who would throw himself into sex with different people, would end up treating people horribly, and still was spiraling down into depression and anxiety. My grades suffered, and I had to drop out of Loyola the semester after that. I spent the next semester working part time as a buser at a restaurant, thinking I was going somewhere with life when I wasn't. I ended up transferring to southeastern and i still struggled to get by education wise. I thought I was fine, as it had been years since then, but I was wrong. It was not until last night, when talking about the relationship with a friend of mine, that I finally realized I had become victim of an abusive relationship. I felt like the light turned on, and at the same time I felt like inside I was crying. All this time, all the things that had led up to that moment, was me crying out for help. I feel so upset that when I was driving this morning to school, I felt like I was going to start crying. And even now I'm trying to keep it together. when people tell you that it will be okay, and that it'll get better, It's not true. The pain of being in an abusive relationship stays with you, for years. And while others try to sympathize with you, only others who have been through the same pain can relate. I've been seeing a therapist since then, so going to a councilor isn't nessacary but maybe I'll go. I hurt so much. I try to keep it together. Even men can be victims of abusive relationships.