#24420 I have nothing to do this weekend. Who wants to party tonight?

#24419 I really want to go out and party tonight but I started rocking out to Metallica andnow I can't drive anywhere because I've had jst a wee bit too much o' whiskey haha Time for GTA V and whiskey!!!!

#24418 What do you do when the only mental health clinic you can afford keeps changing your doctors to ones that treat you with more and more hostility until you are literally in a room with a doctor who, when asked questions like "I've recently been experiencing sleep paralysis, is it possible it can get worse and if so can that be prevented?" With answers like "I wouldn't worry about that" spoken in a belligerent and argumentative tone?

And you ask if you can change medication and they just respond with "We can increase the dosage" and little more than that.

I tried opening up about feeling guilty for not attending the funerals of my aunt, uncle and father whom recently died because I was too emotionally numb to cry and felt ashamed. Her response was to say "I'm sorry" in a callous way. It was a total shitshow. And I have another appointment with her, haha fuck.

You get the sense that if you asked to change to another doctor, you would be thrown belligerent responses until you went away. It also feels like they might be pushing you more towards religion or spiritual stuff instead of treating from a more neurological/scientific standpoint, but the clinic is very affordable and for the most part not one of the ones where you feel like you’re going to be assaulted in the waiting room, so that’s a plus, haha.

But when I'm there its like everything I say and do is being scrutinized and nobody just listens to what I'm saying but just sees me as a problem to be dealt with. I haven't been hateful and mostly just stay quiet and ask questions but am constantly treated like a liability but haven't lashed out at anyone or treated anyone like trash, the worst thing I did was a year ago when I briefly remarked about the entire wall of certificates being decorations in a joking way after being frustrated about the antipsychotics not making me feel better. But obviously that doctor was a certified professional, and that was a joke.

Most of the psychologists I’m being passed off to say little beyond asking the basic "are you getting sleep?", "Any thoughts of harming yourself?" etc questions and the few times I ask for advice are usually met with responses that are very basic, like "change your diet", "get exercise", etc. I go through phases where I loose and gain weight and eat more and eat less, but the depression and emotional numbness doesn't ever improve. Plus there are the sexual side effects, possibly from being on antipsychotics for so long that prevent me from having a sex life.

And for maximum context I guess I should mention I have an attraction towards...let's just say I tend to get most excited around teenagers but do NOT act out on this. Maybe I could pull off a relationship with an adult, but that would still be something to deal with I guess, so haven't had much luck there. Of course even if I managed a hook up with an adult there would be the inability to have sex. I’m guessing its the medication unless having your junk break for no reason when you’re in your mid 20’s is a thing that happens?

I never bring any of this up during treatment because the clinic happens to be one that specializes in treating children and families. Some adults are treated too, hence why I have appointments there, but that is mainly what they specialize in so I never talk about it openly. Makes me wonder if I'm mainly there to just be observed, tested. I'm afraid to talk to anyone openly about it, even though I probably look creepy enough that I don't need to.

It's very stressful, because I'm constantly treated with hostility everywhere I go and I can't ever be open about this shit that makes me an elephant in any room I'm in. Can't go anywhere where there are teens and children, etc, so I mostly stay inside.

Basically I think the clinic knows this, but they seem like they view me as an enemy instead of someone who spends every day avoiding harming someone. But I get a free prescription for some drugs that do help with the anxiety that I might have to pay for anywhere else, so wat do.

#24417 How do I talk to girls that are sitting around campus? I just don't know what to say so I don't come off as weird or creepy.

#24416 I admit here I am bisexual man, but I don't know if it's Tinder sending a message or not, but I think it's saying I'm probably gay. For every 9 men who matches with me, there's only one woman. Strangely because I only hit like on about 1 out of 10 guys profiles and probably 3 out of 4 women profiles.

#24415 Why is there a consistent pattern of me arranging a date with a girl, she stand me up, then she's in a relationship a week later with another man, since I came to Purdue?

I wish there is a red flag or something that shows that she is already interested in someone else that pops up before I ask them out lol

#24414 Shoutout to the ukulele person in my mythology class, you make this class more fun.

I wanted to go to the ukulele club callout, but I didn't want to go by myself.

#24413 To the girl I danced with at cactus, actually I don't remember what you looked like, but you were probably cute