#12461 Mariah, who works at the Harrison grille, I don't know who you are but you seem sweeter than a chocolate chip cookie, and you definitely are more beautiful than a shooting star. I really wish I could marry you right away.

#12460 Just saw a girl with jean shorts pulled up to her boobs and your buttcheeks hanging out. You women call this fashion?

#12459 I have yellow fever.

#12464 I'm fucking my roommates ex.

#12447 I'm stringing along a guy who I will never be romantically or sexually involved with but I keep him around because I fear loneliness. In addition, I'm in love with his friend whom I rarely talk to but day dream about him in class. All I want to know is to see if the feelings are mutual if not I think I can move on but I have to ask first. I'm a guy.

#12446 I sat next to a hot sorority chick in lecture today with the intent of talking to her. I decided not to because she was on Tinder and saw that she swiped left on twenty guys that all were better looking than me so I thought that I would have no chance with her.

#12458 I really wish I could find a group of friends to hang out with. A group of kind and diverse people, yet we all would fit in together. We'd go on long walks on Friday nights and share secrets or something.

...How do I make best friends?

#12440 To the guy who was skateboarding down the Lilly hallway today, you are an idiot. And I saw you fall off at the end of the hall. Quit doing it, you don't look cool.