#13374 Hypothetically speaking. If I'm taking a dump, the morning after eating rice cafe. And the fire alarm goes off. ( not cause of the fire in my a hole). Do I leave the dorm in a civilized manner, or do I continue taking the dump.. Cause - I freaking have to!!

So the debate in my head is - dorm fire safety procedures vs shit.

I can't get my head about this.

#13337 To whoever wrote all the "don't walk" messages in chalk on the bike lanes on campus: due to your passive aggressiveness, I now go out of my way to walk in the bike lanes.

#13336 It's really funny how badly people have the need to feel special and validated for their major. If you pick something just because of the name, you obviously need to do some thinking about your future. Your major is like dating a girl, you should be proud to be seen with her in public. If you're not, well maybe that girl isn't right for you. At the same time, you should be with her for more than just her looks.

#13373 Gave an AGD a donut and I got a handjob

#13318 Whenever I am in a parking lot looking for a parking spot and there is another car looking too, I always imagine that I am Katniss in the Hunger Games. In the back of my head I can hear Effie Trinket saying, "may the odds be ever in your favor!"

#13317 Thanks to the two cars that stopped after I hit ice and went over the median on union bridge Wed night. Coming from colorado im embarassed that ice got the best of me but ive always had small cars. This is my first winter in an suv. I know you couldn't do anything to help but making sure I was ok was good enough. I got my car home. And considering I could have rolled my car or gone into the river I will gladly take the two destroyed tires and bent rims.

#13316 I've already hopped those sidewalk railings on Northwestern. It was during the same week they put them up. The thing is, I'm not one of those morons that walks out right in front of cars or stares at my phone the entire time I walk through campus. I actually wait for the road to be clear and then cross. They're annoying, but not difficult to hop over, so whatever.

That brings me to another point though, why do most of the people on campus walk around with their face glued to their phone? I'm not a hater of new technology, I have the latest Android Galaxy, but you do not need to stare at your phone while you're walking across campus. I can't even tell you how many times I've had people walk into me, almost walk into me, or I've had to swerve around them on my bike because they're in the middle of the bike lane staring at their goddamn phone. Put the phone away and look where you're going!

#13315 I saw a statistic. A 5'6" guy needs to make $183k more a year than a 6'0" guy to be equally "attractive."

So how do I do that? Here are my options:
(a) Become an investment banker.
(b) Sell coke. A lot of coke.

If anyone has more options, please let me know? Thanks and have a nice day!