Tuesday, 05 May 2015 06:52 AM
“
#15034 Before I begin, for those who read this and think you know who I am, please let me keep my anonymity. Let me just say that this has been THE most mentally challenging semester by far that I have ever encountered. By no means am I trying to whine or seek sympathy from anyone because my pride forbids it. Quite the opposite, I would like to share my experience and empower others to become better and stronger individuals.
Prior to this semester, I was already informed of my academic and core probation due to my poor performance in school, which was less than pleasing to say the least. During the finals week of last semester, I was informed that one of my close relatives had been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. It didn't hit me at first, but when I went to go visit that relative over winter break, the thought of losing her was more difficult that I had imagined. She will be leaving behind her husband and daughter which saddened me the most. My dad, to this very day, is still dealing with this problem, helplessly watching his own daughter from the sidelines while she is fighting for her life. Upon my return to school after break was over, my girlfriend at the time broke up with me a little less than a week into school before our first anniversary. The one person I felt I could count on to be there for me, decided to leave me for reasons I still do not fully grasp. Following after, due to my academic probation, my official club title position was also stripped from me. One by one, everything that I had worked for was torn from my grip, and I was beaten to my knees. It felt like a defeat that one could not return from. As the semester progressed, I also discovered that one of my closest friends attempted suicide, twice, and I would also become a part of a traffic accident right before an evening exam, which I still decided to take despite the trauma that was dealt on me (arguably stupid, yes I know). It was as if, an unknown force in the cosmos was trying to take a nice creamy shit on my head. There were times when I would mentally snap and lose composure. I became very self-destructive and irresponsible for myself. Everything seemed almost futile; I'm surprised I wasn't diagnosed with depression.
From time to time I would call that relative and check up on her, only to realize that she was fighting for her life despite the odds of her survival. She seemed as if the illness did not exist at all, which really shocked me. I asked myself, what was I fighting for? She's struggling just to survive while I'm pissing away precious, healthy time sulking over problems that I chose to become a victim of. Someone once said that "pain is inevitable but suffering is an option." It was at that moment after I got off the phone with that relative that I decided that something needed to change. I was dawdling, and waiting for someone to help me back up only to find that no one is there. Sure, friends can give comfort, but you have to want to get back on your feet before they can even help you up. I decided that from then on, I would fortify my own determination and let nothing stop me from achieving my goals, whether it be grades or how well I perform in my club sport, or how far I progress in achieving physical goals. By doing well in school, I would honor her and her sacrifices that she has made for me, and I would develop that conviction through self-disciplining and lifting consistently to build my mental fortitude.
Today, I am happier than ever. I am still blessed to be able to talk to her once in awhile, and cherish what little time we have left to each other. I am now determined more than ever to put those dark times behind me and keep moving forward because that’s how winning is done. Besides being blessed for still having her, I’m also blessed with the bestest of friends a man can ever hope for in his time of need. Never have they turned their back me, and never will I turn my back on them. I can honestly say that I have grown from these series of unfortunate events, and it has turned me into something that I myself am happy with. My friends have asked me, how I have dealt with my problems, and I reply back “…rub some dirt on it and keep at it…” because there is no other solution to it. At some point we all have to realize that we have to face our own demons, and there is no better way to solve it than to tackle it head on with nothing but determination and raw audacity. Celebrate with me, for me, and for all yourselves how awesome it is to be here at an awesome college with awesome people. Everyone has potential to do great things, and I intend to do just that. How you tap that potential and how far you want to go, that is up to your choosing. What is your next step? Will you keep making excuses like I once did, or will you take a bigger step than your last to ascend to a better version of yourself? I read a lot of complaining on this page for sure. Others might see just another individual seeking a place to rant or to vent. I see a chance for that individual to grow stronger, mentally. Let this little short manifesto be the light for those who have momentarily lost their vision. I sincerely hope that whoever reads this, that he or she may quickly regain his or her hope in whatever endeavors are to come towards their way. Take back whatever you’ve felt like you have lost and don’t let go. Never give up because salvation/success/victory or whatever you would like to call it, is within your grasp. You just have to have to courage to chase it.