#15449 Anyone else feel like they're always on the brink of screwing up

#15452 I don't have any shampoo at my parents house so I'm using my sisters, she probably won't mind.

#15451 Are YouTube gamers basically the same as pornstars? I wonder which makes more money?

#15450 I can never tell when to cut my toenails

#15447 Sitting outside Greyhouse Coffee (located on the corner of Northwestern and State), I was quietly perusing Nelson Mandela's memoirs - "A Long Walk To Freedom", when an exquisite specimen of the opposite gender interrupted the fine reading to garner my attention. She exclaimed, "I would very much like to engage in the fine act of intercourse with you, fine sir. I desire to nibble upon your gibblets as would an antelope, suckling upon the ripe thicket of a wild berry."

"My Dear..." I replied, "I fervor the opportunity to sow my seed deep into your loins, and afterward, rotate your bodice so as to besprinkle what remains atop your most marvelous bosom. " I took in a deep breath then, and sighed. " But I must read this book first. "

#15438 One morning after a night with a girl I met at a party, I woke up with a nose bleed. The only thing she had to stop it was a tampon. I think I have redefined the Walk of Shame

#15439 Whenever I watch porn, I like to invert the colors on my laptop so it looks like an octopus is squirting ink all over the place.

#15440 One time I threw up in my hand at a party. I tossed "it" in the corner, and proceeded to make out with a random girl. She tracked me down after and we went on a date