#16702 Mom: turns on tv, goes to channel 7 to watch HBO.

I turn on my phone to check Facebook n do stuff.

Mom: I don't know what else is on.

Me: (in my head) how the fuck do I reply without sounding rude as fuck about how fucking stupid she is... (in voice) Idk, check out other channels?

Mom: don't be so rude, I don't appreciate it.

Me: (ignores mom, walks out the door)

#16701 I had a nightmare last night that I was trapped on a remote island. There were no other humans there, just trees and grass that came up to my knees. I was trying to look around to see what this place was but suddenly a pack of raptors was coming after me and so I ran as fast as I could until one of those flying dinosaurs picked me up and I was like 200ft in the air and the flying dinosaur dropped me in the ocean and one of those megalodon whale looking dinosaurs opened his mouth and tried to swallow me but that was when i woke up.

I have never seen Jurassic World or any of the Jurassic Park movies.

#16708 I have to admit that after failing to find a girlfriend in my 20 year life, I've accepted that being in a relationship is just a mere fantasy for me.

#16696 I've read so many comments on here people giving advice like "be attractive" or "depends on how good looking you are" or "don't be ugly" or "it will only work if you're attractive". Do people in today's society really only value people based on how attractive they are or if they look like models? If that's true then the world is a very sad place.

#16695 My gf just dumped me because I'm "The king of stupid comparisons."
I feel like a bacon sandwich on chemotherapy.

#16694 When spider man shoots a sticky substance from his hands all over someone from the ceiling, he's 'amazing'.But when I do it, I'm 'a pervert'

#16693 College is like a boner.
It's long and hard unless you're an Asian.

#16692 A friend and I met a couple girls at Cactus this past Thursday, having a good time. We were hanging out, and after about an hour, they left abruptly, before we could get names or numbers. I believe one of the girls' names is Jasmine, and she worked at Earhart Dining Court swiping people in this past year. Can someone help me out?