#17457 I wish I could ride a unicorn

#17456 You people need to learn how to drive! I almost got hit by a car last night. I was at an intersection with the walk sign on and some crazy person was going so fast and slammed on their breaks just before hitting me. I'm not walking across the street just anywhere, I had the walk sign! Pay attention people.

#17455 I met this cute Iraqi girl. Her and I have been close for awhile. As we were together in bed going to have sex for the first time, I told her to "Baghdad ass up." She looked at me and took her stuff and left. Why are girls so sensitive!!!!

#17454 My titties almost knocked me the fuck out when I swung around to fast cause she said who wants this last slice of pizza.

#17453 I am a girl and I have so much hair!! No matter how much I wax/shave/thread it grows back within a week! Its insane

#17452 So I have this 6 month rule where I make a guy wait that long before I even THINK about having sex. I don't tell them I have it I just make them wait. So I finally get my BF to wait that long and take him back to my room and things start to get hot and heavy. As soon as we get our clothes off all I see is a bush the size of the Amazon Forest on that guy. Super turn off. I put my clothes on and kicked him out.

#17451 I was a library studying the other day and there was this chick sitting in front with her back towards me. We were both minding our own damn business, when she stood up let out a fart and sighed at the same time. Some.people nearby, including myself stared at her awkwardly for a sec and I said to myself, "that wasn't such a lady thing to do".

#17450 I would like to start instagraming my food.... but i eat it so fast that i dont have time to set up for a picture...