Monday, 03 August 2015 01:31 AM
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#17776 Have you ever felt depression, and anger toward your parents? I have, I feel it every day, my dad was never around and my mom raised me alone, and although I understand it's a difficult situation, it's no excuse to raise sobering the way she did... I can only really say that it didn't seem like my mom had the best interest in me that she could, I got thrown into boy scouts my whole life, and when I actually could get the reward for the years of sacrifice, $200 stood between me and scholarships, I had no job, no way of making money, but today I make that in a few days, my mom makes more than me, and made more than I do, at that time and just 200 fucking dollars stopped her from helping me, camping troops were $200, summer camp was $750, others were even more... Then there's my whole family, everybody revolves around dirt bikes, motorcycles and stuff like that, so every family gathering that's not just what anyone talks about, but they all go riding too, and every time it's either not spoken to, or I get to say, "no, sorry, I've never ridden," at which point I get outcasted, and outcast means I get to go hang out with my mom, grandma and the ladies... No offense, but I'm 21, the last thing I want to do is hang out at a table and talk about knitting, or how handsome the boys are, sorry, I'm not into insest (however your spell it) or younger men of my own blood! The best part, that makes this a true trifecta of shit, is that I used to live in San Diego, a place I called home, a place where friends still wonder where I am, what I've been up to, and when I'm coming back, I was asked that daily, now it's more like weekly, and each time I hear it I say, "I have no idea," unfortunately, that's followed by crying, because they became family to me, we looked out for one another, they taught me how to ride, and did like one track (that's literally all I've ever done, it's just easier to say I've never ridden that it is to explain to my family that I rode once) I got a taste of what it meant to be part of a family then, people who invited you out to hang out because they liked hanging out with you, not because you have blood together, people who inspire you to tell them your dream and inspire you to actually follow them, instead of saying, "lol, you're too retarded to do that, you'll be working Wendy's forever." anyway, Idk if anyone else feels like that, but idk of i should tell my mom, if she'll even understand, or what I should do...
Sunday, 02 August 2015 08:03 PM
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#17765 I miss you, that's all I know
I don't know if I should delete you from my social media so maybe I can think about you less, out of sight out of mind they say
I don't know if I should wait a few months and ask if you want to get coffee or play scrabble, or climb up the engineering fountain at midnight.
I don't know if I should let myself fall for someone new, when I still think about you. Even though they're cute and make me smile. Because you used to do that and look where we are now.
You've read my few messages and don't respond, but you don't unfollow me, or unfriend me or delete my number or tell me to stop.
I don't know where we are, you were my best friend and now I'm in limbo, I know it's over, and I know that I miss you.
I confess that I miss you even though I'm trying so hard to show the world that i don't.