Sunday, 30 August 2015 07:04 PM
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#18457 I hate being me. I wake up every day with hated for my mom, and sever depression. Growing up I had nothing, I don't mean this, I had nothing when she bought me a shitty car, she used my money, I was saving to buy a better car, to buy me a shitty car, that died a lot... when my family got good presents for Christmas, or their birthday, I got a 99 cent store present, or forgotten. Growing up I got to see friends ads family go to the river, the beach, the desert, have fun and enjoy life... I got to watch tv. I was always told it's because we were poor, but there was one day when I shit my miss tv with a bb gun, that day she went to circuit city and bought a $1000 tv, while I got to live with one that barely worked... I had to buy soda in the morning, hope to sell enough of it to get a burrito after school to get fed... Then I got lied to, to move to a place I shouldn't be, to live life in a garage, that was an awesome upgrade I got from friends who let me crash on their couch, the best part about that was that my family all had extra rooms to stay in... I hate going to family events because they all talk about going riding in the mountains, or about how handsome the guys of the family are, then I get criticized about being fat, that was awesome... About the only thing I have going for me now is that I know technology better than anyone in my family, but even that, goes with some form of shit talking toward me, like for instance, I was asked what kind of phone do I suggest that can do everything a smartphone can, but be nearby bulletproof, so I gave my suggestion and was told, I'll wait for some ghost to tell me... Like honestly its horrible I can actually say, I'm used to it, when I get bad news - hey, sorry for making you drive to my office, on your lunch brake, but I called you in to say you don't qualify for a program I told you, you did, because you make minimum wage, and work 32 hours a week, support yourself and your roommate... But that's not ever the worst, I think the worst is that on my birthday, I asked my mom to buy me one of the little gutairs in Mexico that costs like $5, and she said no, so I was hungry and went with my grandma to get a banana... When I met back up with the group, she bought my cousin one of the lithe gutairs, and didn't even show any emotion to me... This is followed by my grandparents never missing anyone's graduation, except mine... And now I'm in my last semester of community college, taking 2 classes I shouldn't be, but because communication in this God forsaken fuck hole, is limited to each department I get to spend more money, taking a class called personal and professional development... Do I really need a fucking class so I can write down that I haven't had any support for anything my whole life? On top of that, after 5 years of searching for someone I like I can't even be emotionally there for them because I don't know how to be, like there's this girl I met, I like her and we hang out, but after that with the emotional part I am more or less just there as a shoulder to cry on... Idk I can literally tell I'm in a hole, I hate it, but I can't curve anything because I've become a custom to it... Anyone got any ideas?