#18603 My gf asked me if I cared what kind of hair cut she'd get, I totally hate what she had done

#18602 I recently bought a very nice sports car and for some reason every meat head driving anything from a 4 banger mustang to a mustang gt/Camaro SS thinks I want to race. No guys, I dont. I have the car because I am not an idiot and do not condon street racing. I have also noticed that the more bolt ons a truck has the more likely they will floor it when they are around me.

Confession: You wont win and you look like an idiot. I despise how you drive around me and make my commute more difficult. Just drive guys. #firstworldproblems

#18601 At night, I like to ride my bike with both hands fully extended and pretend I am flying.

#18600 My hand is in an amateur porn video.

#18599 My girlfriend asked me to take care of her roomates goldfish while she was gone over the weekend, I'm pretty sure its sucking away my soul

#18598 To the people who lock their bike up wrong on the rack and take up extra slots, or lock to other bikes. I despise you with every fiber of my being.

#18597 Whoever plays piano at the south tower in the morning is really good.

#18596 I dressed up as Tim from Braid the last two Halloweens and nobody knew who I was supposed to be.