#20654 IU SUCKS!

#20653 I fall in love too easily. If you sit me down with a cup of coffee for an hour and make me laugh, I'll fall head over heels for you. But, this has gotten me friendzoned many times(I'm a girl by the way). Basically I get the speech that they aren't ready for a relationship, but that they still like me and want more of a fwb thing until they're ready for something more, which I'm all for, because I believe them. That is until a week later when I see them walking down the street holding hands with someone else. More like you didn't want a relationship with me. All I want is honesty. But, the funny thing is, is that when you're out and drunk, I'm the one you make out with. And late at night, when you want to sext someone, I'm the one you talk to. This is currently my situation with three guys. I feel so guilty, and I want to tell their girlfriends, but I don't want the attention to stop. I'm always kind of expecting them to leave their girlfriends for me because I'm more promiscuous, which seems to be what they want, but when I ask others, they tell me that's what makes me undatable. I guess I'll just be a homewrecker for the rest of my life.

My confession: I've become someone who I've never wanted to become; my mother.

#20649 Blue Mountain State is the shit

#20650 To all the nice guys chicks already have a pussy they dont need another one

#20651 you have any tape? Cause I am ripped

#20652 Yes women love a winner

#20648 (Read this in Ron Whites voice)

So autocorrect almost got me killed on about 5 different occasions, and to lighten the mood I'll tell you one of those times now. 2 years ago I was dating this Latina women, not really a smoking hot body, but a massive sex drive, some big ol titties, smart, and a nurse, so pretty much my version of the total package, except that I guess she's slightly homicidal. You see, she would stay over at my place a lot, I would pick up dinner, we would eat and watch Netflix, pretty much whatever she wanted cause it didn't matter much to me, I just liked the view down her top. Anyway one day I was going to the gym to work out, and I text her, "love you baby, just going to be at the gym for a while" ya know to check in and such. Well after a massive rep day, I go out ad back to my car, and noticed I got like 50 texts, 20 missed calls and about 15 voice messages. Just as I was calling my mailbox, my phone died, so I said it's weird, but I'll go grab dinner and head home, it's probably just that time of the month or something, anyway I went to go pick up dinner from Apple bee's, and drive home. The whole time I'm wondering what the fuck was up, was someone in her family dead, did she crash, what's going on, so I sped up to get home to charge my phone. Once I got home, I noticed her car was there, so I rushed to my door, frantically rushing to get my keys, to unlock the door, which was already unlocked. She was standing in the living room half naked, in a short skirt and tube top. Obviously my first reaction to this was, my dick saying, hey yoo, no need for Viagra! So I'm standing there, hard as a rock, bent down to set the dinner down, cause it might be 2 for $20, but I'm a hungry guy, and only get hungrier after sex, and after that work out. So I go up to her and she has a knife in her hand, and hand cuffs in the other. Now I just think, well she's kinky, let's see where this goes. She hand cuffs me to the entertainment center with my 60 inch tv on it, so I won't try to leave, takes my phone, as runs to charge it. Then runs back, and puts the blade right up to my throat, yelling at be, "WHO'S JUDY MOTHER FUCKER?!?!" "My mom?" I replied, "there's another bitch in your life? Am I the side bitch? The main bitch? Huh, WELL WHAT IS IT?!?" "I don't know what drugs you're on, but I don't cheat, you're the only one I've even held hands with in months, let alone date, fuck or etc.. But what's all this about?" "Your last text asshole, it had the name JUDY in it! Who is she?" "Show me" I said, so she did, "love ya babe, Judy's at the gym for a while." I said, that autocorrect just fucked up big time lol Judy, was supposed to be just and the rest is all bonkers too. Her mad rage simmered down as she started to laugh, then she got changed in front of me *so naturally I pulled my dick out and point at it* she just walks out after getting changed, and all I could think is that I was about a foot away from that amazing ass, but then as she left. I was still handcuffed to the entertainment center and kind of freaking out, but I eventually got my keys, unscrewed the entertainment center and was on to watch more Netflix... About 2 weeks later she unfriended me on Facebook, text me saying it was over, then I guess she got a new number so I was left out of the loop... I look back on that day and think, wow what a day I almost died, got an erection, saw her in a slutty outfit, and almost died, then I saw her ass as she pulled up her pants...

Tlksr - I almost hit stabbed by an above average looking Latina, over autocorrect.

Moral of the story - Read your autocorrect before dating anyone of Latin origins, and don't cheat, they will kill you.

Judy cause I'm lazy - you know what autocracy fires, I'm not

#20647 ISIS is like Hydra, you cut off one head and two more appear. Basically what I'm saying is we need the Avengers.