#22082 I pretend to like you just to get my ex jealous

#22081 I get mildly disappointed if a load of laundry doesn't create as much lint. I have this bizarre impression that the amount of lint left on the lint screen is directly proportional to how clean my clothes now are.

#22080 I pretend to be actually interested in girls because people would assume I was gay if I didn't. But in reality, I just can't stand most girls' neediness and emotionalism. But I don't like guys either

#22079 Well I finally got a truck stuck at work

#22078 Now that Yik Yak has icons, I post things on here and then argue against them in the comments.

#22085 I once tossed our pet python into our local pool

#22077 I had a dream a couple days ago that I was chatting up Scarlett Johansson at a bar and she started flirting with me, and she eventually asked me to go back with her to her hotel room. At that moment I remembered oh shit I have a girlfriend. So I ask Scarlett Johansson if I can call my girlfriend real quick and ask if it was alright. I called her and she just yelled at me, and I was like its Scarlett Johansson. Eventually I hung up disappointing and told Scarlett Johansson and left disappointing. Woke up next to my girlfriend, told her, and she got mad that it seemed like I was pinning it on her. Just can't win

#22076 I used to get hella psyched about getting skittles, but then they changed the flavor of green from lime to green apple. Now I may never be truly happy eating skittles again.