#23124 You know what bugs me? When girls put just their first and middle names down for their Facebook names. Usually Ann, Lynn or other short names. I dunno if they're just trying to be cute or what but I'm having trouble repressing the urge to vomit every time I see them.

#23123 Don't get me wrong, there are a few great baristas on campus. But there are quite a few shitty ones- and if I'm paying over 4 dollars for a coffee and you make it wrong, don't throw a fit when I politely remind you macchiatos aren't mixed. I was a barista for a long time, and I know it's embarrassing when you're corrected, but there's no reason to be mad if it's done politely.

#23122 Everytime its like "I hope you find someone who truly cares and loves you because you deserve it..." I'm just like honey pleasssssse, if you meant it you wouldn't be walking away. Mofo.

#23121 Awkward when you arrive at a group class meeting and half the people are high. "yeah I love that idea man, I love alll the ideas (laughing)."

#23120 I just stubbed the fucking shit out of my big toe. Am I damaged goods?

#23119 Why is it so fucking impossible to find a smoking hot girl that isn't a complete bitch, and who would rather see you bleed out through your penis, than entertain the idea of being seen with a guy who isn't the Bachelor

#23118 When is the dreamy suites RA going to notice me...

#23117 If I use a warmed-up piece of lunch meat to masturbate with, does that technically count as bestiality?