#23668 I hate when facebook says that I might know a person because we have some mutual friends, so I look at their profile and find out that they're a fucking awesome person, but then I realize that there's a slim chance that I will ever actually meet this person... it's like having a crush on a celebrity. So chances are if I ever did meet this person that A) I shit my pants out of excitement B) I freeze from anxiety C) Stop breathing D) Pass out E) all of the above.

#23667 Does any one else have the munchies when drunk?

#23666 Some bitch ass mother fuckers stole my blue and gold spirit flamingos out of my yard! You guys are asshole and thats not cool! If I find you I will ripe your bodies off of your legs and leave your legs behind, like you did my flamingos!

#23665 the only ass ive gotten lately was the other day when my finger ripped through the toilet paper...

#23664 Today is May 9, I have predicted future. In 72 days time, Yellowstone will erupt.

#23663 I'm still not gonna graduate for awhile. Bone me?

#23662 You! Ya I'm kinda your best option... or anyones...

#23661 I'm kinda great. So are you!