#7 I feel obligated to go into the medical field because my parents want me to. They pay for everything-- tuition, dorm, car, most of my food-- so I feel like if I don't, I'd be doing them a disservice. Really, I just want to write, sculpt, and make jewelry.

#8 Drugs have never been something I saw myself getting involved with. Elementary and Middle school gave me a clear enough understanding of what drugs entailed.

Over the past few months I have grown increasingly aware of how many people around me, friends and classmates that I've known for years, have actually gotten very involved, specifically with marijuana.

After a lot of discussion and hanging out with my friends who smoked weed, I began to understand how smoking really wasn't a big deal. I also began to understand that casting judgement upon individuals because of their smoking did more harm than good. My closest friends also explained to me how marijuana helped their deep-set identity issues and how it helped them get over their past relationships with girls. This aspect interested me in particular because I am still trying to get over a particular relationship. With all of this information I came to the conclusion that I would try it out. After all, what is the worst that could happen?

For the night's smoke we were using a poke and smoke set-up, as to make the most out of the "Pineapple Kush." The first hit was amazingly uncomfortable, but that is to be expected. I asked my friends how long it would take before any change would be noticeable. They said that everybody is different on their first go and that it probably would be nothing amazing or profound.

About two minutes after my first and only hit so far, I noticed the first change. I seemed to be backing away from reality, everything coming out of focus, almost as if I was now watching a movie from somebody else's point of view. Suddenly my lungs and throat were on fire; a constant burning sensation deep in my chest. I grabbed the nearby water bottle in an attempt to stifle the pain, all the while still backing away from reality, from life. Knives pierced my chest as I coughed violently against my own will. The last crisp image I can recall was the poke and smoke coming forth as I took another hit. After this, I faded away.

My "high" following this sequence of events was something that I can only describe as Hell, an eternal, isolated, and painful Hell. It was the most physically painful and mentally stressful experience of my life, and I thought as my mind was eating itself alive:

"This is what Hell is, a perfect, perpetual combination of every bad feeling you've ever had. It's an eternity of suffering, regret, and isolation, and every single little detail about it is perfectly calculated and calibrated just for you. Hell is not a place, it's not part of moving on. Hell is eternity in the remnants of your own infinitely decaying soul."

I literally believed I was dead and that I had been deemed unworthy of eternal happiness. . .

Twenty-four hours later I feel odd, physically and mentally. . .

To paraphrase, I confess that I tried weed last night and instead of getting a little high and loopy and having a good time with my friends, I thought I was fucking dead and in Hell.

#5 I confess that I really don't like the major I'm in, but I feel like I'm obligated to stay in it. Plus, I really don't know what I would change mine to.

#4 I once killed seventy-three people. . . Just kidding, but in all seriousness, it's been almost seven months since my girlfriend dumped me for one of her new "close" college friends.

I wish I could say I'm over the whole thing, but I confess that I still hold heavy animosity towards both her, the guy she left me for, and the little group of first scholars snakes that she grew so goddamn close with. I don't know if it's because I'm immature or if it's because it was actually a really shitty thing for them to do, but I legitimately believe I'm all right to hold a grudge. It's such a deep thing for me though, so I plan on seeing how marijuana helps. All of my close friends say it helped them, so what the hell? Why not?

#3 I think the only reason I haven't had sex yet is because I've never been given the opportunity. I always told myself I would wait until marriage because I don't want to accidentally have a kid, but I'm afraid that's just an excuse for not ever actually trying to have sex with someone.

#2 I pee in the pool almost every time I swim. Sorry guys. Too lazy to get out once in in.

I find myself people watching in the UC way too much.