Everytime I see my ex online on facebook im so tempted to message him. but that would be awkward. and i think he used me to confirm he's not into girls. so, great, used...but not like that.

Im terribly afraid im actually falling in love and it scares the FUCKING SHIT out of me. I havn't felt feelings this deep for anyone in... well, actually. I've never loved anyone more then i love my self honestly. i know thats shallow, but im terrified at the feelings i have for her because i could care less what happends to me i just want her and the worst part about it is shes leaving in a few months for ever and i don't have any idea what to do, but I guess Sometimes you can't learn if you don't try, cant love if you don't cry and You'll never win if you let your fears control you. but none the less I am still Terrified.

I live in constant fear and I don't know who to turn to or even who I can trust anymore. It's becoming a problem and it's affecting my daily life and my relationships. It's all because like 4 years ago I threw a boomerang and it never came back.

fuck running into people from high school.

I'm addicted to BINGO.

The only girl who was ever attracted to me was literaly insane. And by insane I mean she was institutionalized and everything.

It is hard to be a human. Humans are stupid beings. I often question myself why am I even in college, when there are things we strive to do. We are in a system that we can not get out of. We are taught to get a job. And by forever working till retirement. Sad truth. I met a friend that told me "Namesté". It's a way to calm the mind. He told me as bad as it is, there will be happiness. Although that may seem common sense. I put alot of thought into it and finally understood what it meant. He is a curious indivisual that had an aura of Nirvana, peace and humor. And its true. After school was out. I realized the system is not all bad. It's amazing how vast Augsburg is. With people that have such appealing views of the world. It makes me happy. And my views are much less cynical.

For 6 months I was foolish and let myself think I was good enough for you. Then you left, just like everybody else. I guess I'm not good enough for anybody.