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Spicy Nacho Doritos and Velveeta - that's my kinda night!
In the end, I am a heartless person. I seem to only live to hurt.I went to hamline with an open mind that people will be more friendly. Too bad I only hurt.... but one person I met made feel different , he tried to help me, but failed but in the end he helped me realize I no longer belong in this world. I should leave and leave everyone alone. So goodbye.
Homecoming Royalty? Yearbook? I thought I graduated High School to get away from all of that bullshit. I don't need to keep these social popularity contests in the rest of my life.
Fun fact of the day! : females can ejaculate. I would know, from experience ;)
Is it just me or does this school seem like a backwards highschool? The athletes are the most accepting group who seem to like everyone. Then you have your "party" people who instead of wanting a large group of people keep pretty dl and to there little cliques and finally you have your, no offense intended, dorks and immature brats who think they are hot shit and think they are better then you as they mock you behind your back.
So I'm guessing not many people will read this cause it's practically a freakin novel, but whatever. Just a little early warning.
So I've been having some really bad luck with the ladies. I tried messaging people through facebook, like hamline confessions, but it's just weird and creepy and awkward cause it's not like meeting someone face to face. And I just end up making a fool of myself. There was this really nice and cool person that I had talked to for a while and knew for a long time and asked if she wanted to go to dinner, just as friends really, but she totally ignored it. It's like, you could at least say no or something? I will sit there and wait for a response if I text them or facebook them or something, but it never comes. I don't think it ever comes. So I end up not eating dinner that night. There's another girl that I knew in highschool and middle school and we kinda reconnected in a way, but she lives far away kinda so we really only talked by text, but we talked a lot. And I felt like she was actually kinda leading me on or something but it turned out not to be true. I guess she kinda put on this fake nice thing the whole time. I don't know why. I mean I can totally understand if I'm not their type of guy or a person they wouldn't like to hang out with but I don't know I guess I dont like it that much when people are nice to my face and turn around and kinda stab me in the back or ignore me. If someone sends me a message through facebook or text I never ignore it. I reply as soon as I see it. Even if I'm not real good friends with that person. Or if I dont even know who the person is, I will still say hi and be nice. There's another girl too that is super nice and I tried talking to her, I said like 2 words through text and she replied to the first one, I had sent a second one, and she just totally ignored it. I mean I thought these people were legitly nice. They aren't party animals, they aren't looking to just hook up or anything. I mean nothing against party animals or people who like to hook up, there's nothing wrong with that. Hell, I party too. And from the start with all these girls I just wanna be friends really and get to know them first. I'm just like 'oh ya lets dive right into a relationship'. I'm usually just like hey you seem like a cool person maybe I will see you around. And I see them around and talk for a bit and sometimes I will ask like 'hey wanna hang out sometime' or something and they are just like 'oh sure' and if I text them a few days later or a day later they totally ignore it. It's really hurtful. It's super hurtful to talk to someone for long amounts of time and know them for a while and asking if they wanna hang out or catch lunch sometime, and them ending up just ignoring me. It really hurts, a lot. It just chops down my mood right away and I get really sad when that happens. I know I have to move on, and I do like right away. But it still hurts. I have a few friends here I guess, I don't hang out with them cause they don't wanna hang out with me I guess but seriously they are genuinly nice people and I could understand if I'm not the type of person they'd like to hang out with but idk. I only have one real friend here. At least I have that person. Thank you if you know who you are. But to be honest I have social anxiety and depression kinda and can have some little mood swings from happy to sad, I never get angry though. But I'm always acting happy. People usually don't know if I'm sad unless I'm in a really low state. and please to the people on here if you know I am talking about you and you thought I was weird or something I don't even really want you to like this unless you're being real. If you message me I'm gonna be nice and everything and totally accept you for who you are, but there's a feeling inside of me that has some disrspect for you. I at least thought I was being nice and freindly but I don't know. I also dont mean to offend you at all, I am really sorry if I did offend you or something. Just trying to be nice. I can be really mean though too. I only take shit to a certain point. But what I've kinda realized is that my true friends will always be there for me. And if either of you people that I talked about in this that I was trying to be nice to like this post then you may be getting a nasty message. right away I will probably be nice if you understand my true intentions but if not then yeah.
Some days I love it here at hamline but others.. I just feel like I don't belong or fit in. It seems sometimes no one here likes me. I have "friends" who I can talk to on occasion but I do not have any close friends I can hangout with. It's not that I haven't tried it's just that I don't belong here. No matter how much I like the school the people here just don't like me and I do not want to inconvenience everyone here by me being here at hamline.
How come no one tries to help me when I'm sad?