Submit your Hamline confession here: (100% anonymous)
To the girl who was in the library today (11/12) in a maroon skirt with black polka dots, you looked super cute! :)
I need to confess…I thought all I wanted was sex. Rough, passionate, erotic, hot, sweaty sex..until the other night. An old friend messaged me wanting to hang out and drink a little, of course I said yes. I had known him since 6th grade and he was a good friend of mine in High School, I was excited to catch up. There were a few people there just playing card games, drinking some and having a really good time until it got closer to bed time. One of the people there wanted to smoke a bowl and since no one else smoked I went upstairs to smoke with him. It was a great time but since I hadn't smoked before I started drinking it enhanced my drunk two fold, I was pretty out of it by the time we were done, and very tired. I continued to hang out with everyone but I slowly became more and more out of it as the night moved on. My friend decided to stay there that night which I was not happy about, I really wanted to go home but I didn't think about calling one of my friends. His friend set up a bed and I curled right up in there on my side and was mostly passed out, I really was not in a functioning state and sleep was my best option. My friend came up to join me and I guess me curled up in a non functioning state of being was an invitation to get on me. My eyes were closed, my body was limp and he rolled me over starting to kiss me, I eventually pulled away and rolled back over to my side. He did it again, continuously telling me how gorgeous I was, looking into my closed eyes. He kept asking me if I was ok…and I responded with yes, because I was not feeling sick and I was not in pain…I was not saying ok to what he was doing to me. I went into shock and shut down, my body went numb and it was like I floated out of my own being watching myself be violated. I should have pushed him off, I should have ran off…but I was scared, I was gone. It wasn't good, everything he did made my skin crawl, and eventually it started to hurt. I started complaining that it hurt and to stop. He apologized then continued. I pushed his hands away, I told him it hurt, I told him to stop, but he didn't stop right away. I could tell he was frustrated because I was not getting him off, he kept telling me what I was doing wasn't working…I had no motor control, of course it wouldn't work. After some time he gave up, and realized he wasn't going to get off and he got up. I immediately put my close on and curl up in a ball, hoping he wouldn't come back and try again. As soon as he passed out I got up, my head was pounding like never before. I was dehydrated, in some pain, terrified and uncomfortable. I stumbled downstairs and found some water, my body was shaking and I was feeling nauseous. I was sweating, over heated and nothing I did would relieve my pain. I found a couch and found a position where my head didn't hurt as much, I curled up under my winter jacket on a couch and fell asleep. I could not look him in the eye the next day, I haven't been taken advantage of before like that. Someone I knew for years treated me like some lifeless piece of meat when I was very clearly not in a state of mind to make decisions. I no longer felt safe, I curled up in my bed when I made it home the next morning and stayed there for the rest of the day. I stayed at my parents house the rest of the weekend, I knew I was safe there. I cried, I cried because I should have done something, I should have fought back, I should have done anything to stop him…but I was more scared of being hurt if I resisted. He is a really big guy, tall, muscular, I would not have won. I blame myself for being so weak, for shutting down instead of fighting for my body. This happened Friday night and it is now Tuesday, I have hardly left bed. I no longer trust guys when they say they want to hang out, I believe that they only want to see me for sex. I have been reduced to a sex doll, no longer a person. My lust for sex is gone, my desire to be touched has vanquished. All I want is to be held and be told everything will be ok, that I am not just some sex toy, that I am an amazing person and that I am loved. I have not gotten that in years, I have forgotten what it feels like to be respected and cared about. I want to forget this ever happened but it haunts my day dreams, my thoughts, my feelings. I know I will be ok, I know I will get past this and go back to surviving, but I will never be the same.
I've had more sex in my roommates bed then my own. ;]
Smokeshow girl wearing white pants.. I've seen her in the library.. Who is that ?
You cheated on me and now I feel like I'm better off without you. After our breakup someone close to me came forward and told me that you tried to kiss them too. I can't help but to feel angry at myself for how much faith I put in this relationship. Asshole!!
Stefon I've known you for over a year now and though sometimes you seem like an intimidating guy, you're a very kind-hearted person and that makes me love you all the more.
I'm in a wonderful relationship with an incredible girl, but I still have this urge to be with other women. I want relationship life and single life at the same time.
I went on tumblr today and looked up "qpoc" aka queer people of color and KAVI WAS THE FIRST THING I SAW!!!! Holy shit!! My mind was blown!! Also, he is fucking hot.