Submit your Hamline confession here: (100% anonymous)
J.S. it's suppose to be K.S. sorry keys are very close on keyboard
[Name redacted] listen, you should take a seat Kanye, because nobody cares what you have to say. And you should probably take a nap, because I bet you're really tired from constantly having your legs spread open. #shade
Your car mirror is the most truthful mirror in existence. My life is just like, "Mirror, mirror on my car, am I fresh to trot to go to the bar?" And then my mirror will be like, "Bitch, you look tore up. Fix your face."
When you're looking in the mirror, do you ever just tap your mirror wiener because you're looking so damn good? Yeah, me too.
So I was dating this boy named Tyler, and he was totally gorgeous, but he moved away to Chile because he's Mormon or something. Anyways, we went on a date to the fair, and there was a bounce house, and he was like, "[redacted] let's do it," and I was like, "Hells yeah!" So I went to the bounce house and we were jumping (naturally), and all of a sudden it had like a chemical reaction with my ovaries, and I just started bursting out everywhere. It was like an upside down volcano from my vagina. Well I was so embarrassed, but Tyler was such a gentleman! We quickly evacuated the premises, and left the children jumping in dirty blood. Then Tyler went and got me a tampon and some chocolate, then everything was great!
[Name redacted] if my eyeballs stare at your ugly fizace I swear it's going to melt my soul and my body. If you open your mouth and say one more word I will queef the sourest queef onto your lips, and they will burn up like they kissed the sun, and your teeth will rot, and I will take those teeth and make a necklace out of them, and I will wear it every freaking day! Every freaking day I will wear that bejeweled tooth necklace, and when someone asks, "Where did you get that," I'll say, "Like, Target."
God usually my roommate is great but lately she's really been getting on my nerves. She's being super uppity and judging me like chill girl, I know what I'm doing so just keep your mouth shut.
Does anyone have advice on where to look for information on how to spice up someone's love life that is actually realistic and reliable? The emotion is definitely there but sex isn't as forthcoming and that's an issue that needs to be solved, but we're not sure how.