Saturday, 30 September 2017 08:15 PM
“
I wish I could carry a trombone around all over campus and just play the womp womp wommmmp sound on random people just to be an asshole
Saturday, 30 September 2017 08:09 PM
“
I was once taking a fat ass shit in the Psychology department and my advisor walked in and took a shit right next to me. My bootyhole got really shy and decided to hold my bowel movement. The really really really awkward part was that I had just got out of a meeting with him and I was wearing bright red shoes. I'm pretty sure he recognized it. *facepalm*
Saturday, 30 September 2017 08:02 PM
“
I was having a conversation with a female Muslim friend of mine and we were talking about different types of foods. I asked her if she ever had figs before and she just stared at me then grabbed her things and angrily walked off. I was a bit confused but I suddenly gasped and ran after her to apologize. Instead of "figs" I accidentally said "pigs."
Friday, 29 September 2017 12:09 AM
“
My fuckin roommate studies hard as hell. Sometimes she stays up till like 2 am even during weekends and it's seriously pissing me off! Bitch do you really have to make me feel like shit as I watch Netflix and procrastinate? Do you really have to study that hard and make me feel like shit when I am a heavy advocate of powernaps? I mean it's really good for your skin, nails, and hair. Do you really have to study so hard and make me feel shitty when I'm over here trying learn all the lyrics to Taylor Swift's new song? Listen, I need at least 4-5 hours a day watching kitten and puppy videos, not to mention, all the new viral videos online. I don't need you to make me feel so shitty about myself. Ugh, you bitch!
Thursday, 28 September 2017 11:55 PM
“
Wow.... I just learned how much strippers make. Do I really want to study accounting? I'm not even fuckin good at math. I don't even like math. Do I want to make a minimum of $3,000 a night or struggle to find a job with a shitty GPA?
Thursday, 28 September 2017 11:44 PM
“
Saw a white girl trying to twerk with pancake flatcakes. Just stop. Please. Your ass is a FLOBE. A flat globe that was used to display flat earth before it was discovered as round. Your ass is like an extension of your back. Your buttcheeks have been abducted by aliens. Twerking is not your forte.
Thursday, 28 September 2017 11:33 PM
“
Girls in my engineering class are so fuckin smart I feel stupid as shit. Maybe I should finally buy my textbooks and start reading them.
Thursday, 28 September 2017 11:30 PM
“
I used to sleep in the same bed as my sister till I was 12. Luckily we never had sex. Just the occasional touching each other out of curiosity. Never thought it was weird till now.