I love watching people misjudge the depth of puddles at crosswalks.

I sold my football season tickets for $600 this year. I felt dirty doing it.

I sold my ticket to the Michigan game.

I shave my balls more than I shave my face.

I had a funeral to go to that was the same day as the BigTen Championship Game. I'd requested off work and already purchased tickets to go the game. I'm still bitter than I had to sell my ticket and miss that game. Mainly because when I went home, I couldn't even stay at my own house in my own bed because my family rudely invited themselves over without asking if we had room, and kept rubbing it in that I wasn't at the game while we watched it on tv.

I wish my GPA looked like those gas prices.

I don't throw my tampons in the container provided. I flush 'em every time. Seriously who actually throws them away in the container?

I've catfished all of my roommates on tinder. I live with some sick fucks.