9am wake up, joint in hand I get a text from a number saying "Hi, how was your night"? No idea who this was - so I replied saying "Hi, my shower is broken, may I borrow yours" - 10min later I was nicely smoked up, at her house, doing her in the shower with her. Still clueless to this day who that was...

I get drunk regularly in the Richards basement

My roommate complains that someone stole money from her yet she constantly leaves the door unlocked. If she does it one more time I'm going to start throwing her things in the dumpster out back one by one. When asked I will say I know nothing.

my goal is to fuck each member of the girls cross country team

I lost my virginity in the back of a car in an alley with my best friend in the drivers seat. It wasn't even a very nice car.

My girlfriend's boobs are awesome. My girlfriend, not so much.

Until freshman year of college I thought when people were talking about euthanasia they were actually talking about youth in Asia.